Resignation

This one was written last October after I hadn't written in a long time and I was a little rusty. Just wanted to get some thoughts down that were going through my head.

Resignation

I no longer know what I’m feeling,

I no longer know my crime,

I lie here facing the ceiling,

Turning my thoughts into rhyme.

They say that love is complicated,
Of that I am now quite sure,
Yet still some things should be debated,
Like does this pain, have a cure?

I sometimes wonder if things will ever change,
Will things change between me and you?
I confess to you that I scream and rage,
When I think that we’re finally through.

Yet when I’m with you time stops there, dead still,
Your touch is electric, a shock, sharp, surprising thrill,
I know now this is an addiction, such as a drug or a pill,
The pain shatters right through me, like a hammer, a drill.

You may note the change of tempo now; I thought it suited well,
The hurt, the confusion, the everlasting hell,
I consider what could be, I think, I dwell,
It seems I found you through fate, I stumbled, and I fell.

I could write verses all day to explain how I feel,
But through these words I’ve said what is real.
When I see you I stammer, I shake and I stutter,
Incoherent thoughts I think, few words I utter.

Now just know that I love you, this much is true,
Though I know you won’t believe me, that just isn’t you,
We share so much in common; this is such damnation,
There’s elation but frustration, I still feel the deflation.

Can you explain this feeling, explain the causation?
Of my pain, my stress, my distraught resignation.

© Ben Johnson 2010.

Moab Is My Washpot - Stephen Fry

Synopsis: Moab is My Washpot is in turns funny, shocking, tender, delicious, sad, lyrical, bruisingly frank and addictively readable. Stephen Fry's bestselling memoir tells how, sent to a boarding school 200 miles from home at the age of seven, he survived beatings, misery, love, ecstasy, carnal violation, expulsion, imprisonment, criminal conviction, probation and catastrophe to emerge, at eighteen, ready to try and face the world in which he had always felt a stranger. When he was fifteen, he wrote this in a letter to himself, not to be read until he was twenty-five: 'Well I tell you now that everything I feel now, everything I am now is truer and better than anything I shall ever be. Ever. This is me now, the real me. Every day that I grow away from the me that is writing this now is a betrayal and a defeat'. Whether the real Stephen Fry is the man now living, or the extraordinary adolescent now dead, only you will be able to decide.

Review

When deciding whether to review this book I thought to myself that I should pull myself away and not bother; it was my firm belief that it doesn't matter what I try and say about Stephen's wonderful autobiography, I will do it a complete injustice. Nevertheless, I have loved and lived every word of this book over the past few days, so I thought it only fair to attempt to get down in words, why everyone should read this book.

This book is a journey; a journey in which we feel what he felt, live what he lived; a journey filled with despair, remorse, sadness, deceit and love. The book itself is both intriguing and humorous, often at the same time, as we are catapulted through Stephen's accounts of the tales of his childhood in boarding school, his first homosexual experiences, his pranks and jokes, his adolescent angst and early experiences with depression.

It is extremely well written, as one would expect from Mr Fry, and is delightful, charming, brutally candid, and a pleasure to read. We're presented with his feelings of regret, despair, and self-loathing, and although I can far from condone his actions as a delinquent youth, neither can he; he acknowledges this most genuinely, and from it you can see how and why he has become what he is today.

Throughout the book Fry quite honestly rambles away, often going off into side-anecdotes, and although this can be irritating for some readers, I found it nothing short of endearing, bringing a certain charm to his style of writing; the way in which he meanders through tales of his childhood, often coming back to his original point several pages on, gives us a sense of how his life has been an emotional roller-coaster from which he has clung on to the very end, to make himself the person which he wants to be.

I myself have no flaws with the book, and yet I feel obliged to point out perhaps why some may. In Stephen's brutal honesty, he doesn't hold back. At all. Because of this, at times his language can be, colourful, shall we say. In this way I don't think the book should be read by young readers, unless of course the parent deems it acceptable. If you can see past this then you will find his language to be witty and engaging; overall a refreshingly forthright and touching memoir.

5/5.

Beloved

I'll start with a poem that I wrote last Valentine's Day for someone very close to me. Like all my poetry I don't consider it anything special; but perhaps it's the thought that counts.

Beloved

Days of happiness,
Lost unto the winter winds,
They can be reclaimed.

Never before have I struggled with the words I should say,
Yet your dashing, dazzling eyes make me stutter and sway.
My feelings for you are so devotedly beyond compare,
As I run my hands through your soft, serene hair.

Delightful days; when I’m with you it’s time well spent,
My senses often overwhelmed by your stunning scent.
Though when you‘re not here, a piece of me brutally breaks,
It splits, shatters and separates the love from my mistakes.

You feel so confused, cluttered and you’re wondering why,
I stumble, I stammer, dither and doubt; I have no reply.
You’re persistent, patient, wordlessly waiting for me,
To decide decisively, where I truly want to be.

I’m befuddled, bewildered, perturbed and perplexed;
I sit here and write, contemplating what to do next.
I picture your face frequently, your beauty divine,
I wish to myself, that you can forever be mine.

I remember those delicious, delicate kisses we shared,
In them meagre moments, I was entranced, ensnared.
A realisation, deep down in the depths of my heart,
That we should be together; for eternity, never apart.

On the 14th of February; a day of romance, affection and love,
Cupid will laugh and sing, shooting arrows from the clouds above.
The angels will play on harmonious harps; a sweet song for you,
Marvellous melodies, whispering my potent love thereto.

An everlasting love that shall never fade nor wither,
As I repeatedly reminisce, I uncontrollably shake and quiver.
And on that day, as our hearts beat quicker in time; will you be mine,

My Valentine.

© Ben Johnson 2010.

Killing Floor - Lee Child

Synopsis: Margrave is a no-account little town in Georgia. Jack Reacher jumps off a bus and walks fourteen miles in the rain, just passing through. An arbitrary decision, a tribute to a guitar player who died there decades before. But Margrave has just had its first homicide in thirty years. And Reacher is the only stranger in town. So the murder is pinned on him. As nasty secrets leak out and the body count mounts, only one thing is for sure: They picked the wrong guy to take the fall. Killing Floor introduces Jack Reacher, the tough ex-military cop of no fixed abode. Trained to think fast and act faster, with an eye for the women, he is truly every thinking reader’s perfect action hero.

Review

Okay, so here it is, my first read of the year; Killing Floor by Lee Child. Now, I hadn't heard of this author before, because normally this isn't my type of genre to read. However, whilst browsing the Amazon Kindle Store, I saw his name crop up. After being intrigued by the synopsis and some good spoiler-free reviews, I thought I'd give it a shot. I can safely say I'm glad to know that I've started off with a series which stretches on for another fourteen books; plenty to get my teeth into with this one, it seems.

The novel itself was fantastic; intriguing and mysterious throughout, it had me hooked all the way from the first page to the last. Now, I'm not normally used to his style of writing, but the short and snappy sentences gave the novel that fast-moving, free-flowing feel, which sweeps a reader off their feet and doesn't put them down until it reaches its conclusion. I hardly noticed that it's 528 pages long.

I found the characters to be believable and interesting, especially that of the main protagonist Jack Reacher, who at first the reader learns nothing about. As the novel unravels you start to feel yourself warming to Reacher and certain other characters, which gave me the feeling that I was with them all the way. Reacher must have his wits about him in his battle to discover the truth, before everything goes up in flames.

4/5.