Lease of Life

Written in May 2012, the month I decided to start making a conscious effort to write more again.

Lease of Life

Darkness dominates the tempestuous sky

As I prepare to face another wordless day

I grind my teeth, slice open another vein,

Wistful, I dream of another way

I tear the page with silent screams,

Not a single word will spill from this pen

The entire world becomes a stage,

It plays with the hearts of men

In my hand liquid swirls inside the glass,

A whirlpool of dejection and remorse

The surface disturbed by a single splash,

A solitary tear its fateful source

Somewhere distant a bird begins to sing

As I raise my head from the ground below

The beat of my heart in time with the song,

The winds of creativity begin to blow

Dark clouds shaken, torn from the sky

Rays of frantic hope illuminate the land

The intensity builds, I have been reborn,

Once more these words I shall command

A soft smile flutters across my face,

The glass of woe replaced by the pen

That dreadful wound begins to close,

I shall craft these words once again

© Ben Johnson 2012.

Won't Let You Go

Written on the same day as 'Lease of Life', was obviously in an optimistic frame of mind.

Won’t Let You Go

There was always something there,

Though at first we knew not where,

That extra step I should have taken,

I thought I had time, but was mistaken

I lost that chance, I’d given up,

A well run dry, an empty cup,

Against all odds, my fortunes changed,

Contact resumed, those texts exchanged

I soon realised, that this was fate,

Suppose after all, that it wasn’t too late

For us to have, what we had before,

Did I have this chance once more?

The future to all is but a closed book,

But with no more mistakes and a little luck;

I think we will last, because I won’t let go,

Perhaps we’ll be more, you never know

You understand me; not an easy task,

You understand the truth behind this mask

When I’m with you I know my mind’s at ease,

That loving glance, those chances we seize

I think it’s about time to seize the day,

Carpe Diem, my love shall never sway

As the sunshine sets in the cloudless sky,

This is my summer, and I think I know why

© Ben Johnson 2012.

Unititled

Wrote this one in February 2012 after a long break from writing.

Untitled

Frightened hope, ambitious dreams,

Unravelled slowly at the seams,

Loose threads, stilted prose,

Another glass that’s full of woes

Swirling smoke, it curls and climbs

In the distance, a church bell chimes

Faraway voices, jubilant hearts

Gravely ignorant, we all play our parts

Restless nights and weary eyes,

The gentle sound of anxious sighs

Idle liquor, a moonlit stroll,

The endless struggle for control

Constant pain, thoughts conflicted,

A grieved heart, so now inflicted

Neglected caution, foregone care,

Only so much, can one man bear

Another spark, yet darkness persists,

Drifting on upwards, it twirls and it twists

Within a few moments, lost to the clouds,

The poet’s existence, consumed by the crowds

© Ben Johnson 2012.

Changes

Wrote this one in September 2011 and it really speaks for itself.

Changes

People may change with the winds of time,
Yet I still think of us, your lips upon mine.
One moment so golden, yet frozen forever,
Raindrops they fell, as we stood there together.

In a blink of an eye, the moment was gone,
From that point on, it all began to go wrong.
A sense of distress, I thought I should go,
Suspicions confirmed; it hurt more than you know.

Yet despite the pain, it never ruined the night,
It's never hard to remember, that memorable sight.
So nervous, I held my breath; I had waited too long,
It was our defining moment; the chorus of our song.

Through it all we battled, problems we overcame,
The greatest gust couldn't douse our friendship flame.
Years that with you, have been the best of my life,
At the end of the day, happiness outweighs the strife.

I sit here and think of us, and wonder what's left,
My life begins to lack colour; it's lonely and bereft.
Promise me please, as I pray this isn't the end,
I miss you terribly even now, on you I do depend.

So as life begins to rush upon us, think of our good times,
Relax and sit back, as the final bell chimes.
As the curtain falls, the players bow; the final sun shall set,
I know not the future changes, but you I won't forget.

© Ben Johnson 2011

Friendship Comes In Many Forms

Here is a poem I wrote in August 2011 after I realised a certain someone would always be there for me.

Friendship Comes In Many Forms

Today was just a stark reminder:
Friendship comes in many forms,
Despite the anger, despite the hurt,
With you I can weather these storms

Relief that passes through my mind,
When I know that you'll be there,
Metaphorical shoulders to rest my head,
As my hands tear through my hair

A heart that bleeds, I long to scream
Such frustration I can't contain,
Yet every time I feel like giving up,
Your words guide me through the pain

I've stood resolute with nothing left,
Almost breathed my very last,
Then in my ear, those voices whispered,
Reassured, the moment passed

Saved from upon the very brink,
So melodramatic but it's true,
Battled on despite the hurt,
I owe so much to you

These words I write can't say it all,
But know your kindness transforms
Those broken hearts, those ruined souls:
Because friendship comes in many forms

© Ben Johnson 2011

Freedom

Here's another, three guesses for what this is about.

Freedom

Finality is fast approaching now,
That prevailing sense of relief,
The tension ebbs, the stress released,
There shall be no more grief.

We struggled through and onwards,
Past all that would distract,
In the end remains one shock,
How is our sanity still intact?

Still even when you're finished,
You sit and ponder how you did,
Wondering, will it be quite enough?
These thoughts you should forbid.

Don't look over your shoulders,
Ignore the future yet to come,
Bask in the summer sunshine,
It's over now, you're done.

Leave it left forgotten,
Until there is but no other choice,
Go enjoy yourself, that's freedom,
Live life and just rejoice.

© Ben Johnson 2011.

Breaking Out

Writers-block will be the death of us all

Breaking Out

The light fades slowly, to the depths of darkness

As the sun wavers, it melts into the night sky

Daring dreams of hope plague my mind;

I sit here wondering, pondering why

My words describe my feelings so true,

Pouring my heart through this pen it bleeds,

And as the time arrives I become weary;

Rhymes scream out, can anyone hear me?

A stream of unified consciousness,

Prompting daggers, my splatters paper

Ideas of ambition break free, gone, so fleeting,

Eyes filled with sadness as thoughts turn to vapour

It was once so enjoyable, now conflict arises,

In every syllable I struggle to breath life too,

Confidence significant in absence, so dreadful;

The strain appears so obvious, so painful and undue

Recognition equates to merely infinite hope,

A dream yet a nightmare, I am still to wake from;

Tragic conflict ends in mere moments from now,

Letting go, my words I eradicate, they are gone

© Ben Johnson 2011.

Spirited

Here it is, only my second ever non-rhymed poem. There's something about it I like, even if it's just an experiment more than anything.

Spirited

Innocence deemed so pure, yet still we suffer
From the mistakes which plague us when we rest
A broken, shattered heart so consumed by anguish;
Breaking the barrier of emotion, flowing tears of blood

Light dazzles on, powering through the bounds of evil;
Victorious in struggling free; an unstoppable energy
So powerful and so blinding; a transcendence
Which forces enlightenment into impossibility

The sun settles softly, a shimmer in the summer sky,
Shining down on all as a single ray of hope
Sweeping troubles and struggles straight away;
Spirits soaring; a sudden, sweet surprise

Look beyond the restraints of life; gaze beyond,
The world is your oyster; limitless opportunity waits,
If you escape the shackles, the shadows of lies
The words will write themselves, the freedom found.

The pain lifts, the tunnels of light stretch ahead,
Yet the hesitance stops you from battling onwards.
You know the answer is clear, that much is certain;
It is time to break out from the cage that holds you in

© Ben Johnson 2011.

Lid of Life

Something I wrote in class when I could hardly concentrate. A non-rhyming poem coming soon, as someone has said that I religiously use rhyme and it's time to prove that wrong.

Lid of Life

The dark shapes of life litter the early morning sky,
Eyes scanning across the moors, we gaze up high.

The wind whistles wildly through the bitter school air;
Steps leading nowhere, as we stop and stare.

Contrasting peace with a world full of sound;
No more interruptions, tranquillity found.

Silence stretches onwards, it rolls across the hills;
A gnarled tree deformed; swishing daffodils.

The poets sigh as their pens splatter the page;
They go unrecognised, in such a dying age.

Clouds swirl in the wind; the dreams to cope;
The cold strikes through the heart as you dare to hope.

© Ben Johnson 2011.

Oncoming Storm.

Concept idea based on 'the gothic'; including some of the texts I've studied at school. It's littered with references; see if you can spot them all.

Oncoming Storm

Shadows stretch onwards, through the night so dreary;

Nevermore the raven flies, its wings become so weary.

The night draws inwards; silence from all around;

Stolen whispers litter the air; hushed, the only sound.

Within those castle walls, the two lovers dream;

They sky tainted red with blood: the perfect scheme.

When with it comes murder, the king's reign at an end;

Onwards he will lie, the betrayal of a friend.

In a world elsewhere, the end becomes closer;

The final note delivered, like a music composer.

When all of a sudden, the sky shatters with thunder;

The rain lashes down; it makes us all wonder.

How the work has gone wrong, a monster creation;

A horror so breathless; the result of temptation.

The victor left broken, consumed and aggrieved;

The final realisation, of what he's conceived.

One preached to all, the root of all evil;

Money is the cause, the tale so medieval.

Another so vain, so concerned with his own needs

Selling relics with lies, laughing at those he misleads.

All through the lands, the storm rages on through;

A scientist battles onwards, he has work to pursue.

© Ben Johnson 2011.

The Struggle

Something fresh from the press. It's not too bad I suppose; something different about it though.

The Struggle

People often ponder; they pursue your every move,

Always make suggestions, fuelled with something to prove.

Instead they have no idea; they don't hold the final clue,

Nobody understands the frustration, no one really knows you.

Maybe it's just their ignorance, blinding them from sight;

I know they know you suffer; pain shatters through the night.

Silence stretches onwards; the dejection simply endless,

Ever lonely you shall wander; dreaming, forever aimless.

Reaching out for redemption, but it's merely all in vain;

Your sudden resolution: you shall never love again.

Sometimes you'll start to reason, accept that it's all over;

Our luck has but run so dry; I lost her four-leafed clover.

Resolute wistful wishes, that you know just won't come true;

Rejection cuts deep within the heart; a sword that sliced on through.

Our time together was oh so special, so treasured and so kind;

We're over now, that much is certain; but can the past be put behind?

© Ben Johnson 2011.

Midnight Sun

Okay, this is the most recent of my work; there's still something I'm not quite feeling about it, but again needed to get some thoughts down.

Midnight Sun

There will often be moments in life,

When you care far more than it appears;

When you're surely too scared to confess,

And to face up to your sudden fears.

You suffered in painful silence,
You considered, pondered too long;
Then all of a sudden it became too late,
To right the things you did wrong.

You believed that time was on your side,
That those difficult decisions could wait;
Although at heart you knew what was right,
You faltered; acted far too late.

Stop, pause, think back, reflect upon,
Those ridiculous mistakes you so often made;
That fantastic future you always wished for,
Had begun to steadily shimmer and fade.

Never hold back again, don't watch from afar,
Fight for that glimmer of hope; that ever-shining star.
Or then yet be left unhappy; consumed, alone, so cold,
I guess you'll truly never forget, those words remain untold.

That persistent, agonising reminder,
Of what you know you should have done,
The frustration etched deep within your heart,
As you gaze wearily up at the pale, midnight sun.

© Ben Johnson 2011.

Timeless Values

A recent experiment, differing from what I normally attempt. Something isn't quite right with this.

Timeless Values

Melancholy voices,

A moonlit serenade

Haunted shadows,

The phoenix flies

Whispers conflict
Darkness replenished

Words glitter the page,
Beautiful shimmering gold

Contrasting colours,
Sweet serendipity

Lights dance brightly,
Wind whistles tunelessly

Thoughts distraught,
Destined forever more

© Ben Johnson 2011.

Resignation

This one was written last October after I hadn't written in a long time and I was a little rusty. Just wanted to get some thoughts down that were going through my head.

Resignation

I no longer know what I’m feeling,

I no longer know my crime,

I lie here facing the ceiling,

Turning my thoughts into rhyme.

They say that love is complicated,
Of that I am now quite sure,
Yet still some things should be debated,
Like does this pain, have a cure?

I sometimes wonder if things will ever change,
Will things change between me and you?
I confess to you that I scream and rage,
When I think that we’re finally through.

Yet when I’m with you time stops there, dead still,
Your touch is electric, a shock, sharp, surprising thrill,
I know now this is an addiction, such as a drug or a pill,
The pain shatters right through me, like a hammer, a drill.

You may note the change of tempo now; I thought it suited well,
The hurt, the confusion, the everlasting hell,
I consider what could be, I think, I dwell,
It seems I found you through fate, I stumbled, and I fell.

I could write verses all day to explain how I feel,
But through these words I’ve said what is real.
When I see you I stammer, I shake and I stutter,
Incoherent thoughts I think, few words I utter.

Now just know that I love you, this much is true,
Though I know you won’t believe me, that just isn’t you,
We share so much in common; this is such damnation,
There’s elation but frustration, I still feel the deflation.

Can you explain this feeling, explain the causation?
Of my pain, my stress, my distraught resignation.

© Ben Johnson 2010.

Beloved

I'll start with a poem that I wrote last Valentine's Day for someone very close to me. Like all my poetry I don't consider it anything special; but perhaps it's the thought that counts.

Beloved

Days of happiness,
Lost unto the winter winds,
They can be reclaimed.

Never before have I struggled with the words I should say,
Yet your dashing, dazzling eyes make me stutter and sway.
My feelings for you are so devotedly beyond compare,
As I run my hands through your soft, serene hair.

Delightful days; when I’m with you it’s time well spent,
My senses often overwhelmed by your stunning scent.
Though when you‘re not here, a piece of me brutally breaks,
It splits, shatters and separates the love from my mistakes.

You feel so confused, cluttered and you’re wondering why,
I stumble, I stammer, dither and doubt; I have no reply.
You’re persistent, patient, wordlessly waiting for me,
To decide decisively, where I truly want to be.

I’m befuddled, bewildered, perturbed and perplexed;
I sit here and write, contemplating what to do next.
I picture your face frequently, your beauty divine,
I wish to myself, that you can forever be mine.

I remember those delicious, delicate kisses we shared,
In them meagre moments, I was entranced, ensnared.
A realisation, deep down in the depths of my heart,
That we should be together; for eternity, never apart.

On the 14th of February; a day of romance, affection and love,
Cupid will laugh and sing, shooting arrows from the clouds above.
The angels will play on harmonious harps; a sweet song for you,
Marvellous melodies, whispering my potent love thereto.

An everlasting love that shall never fade nor wither,
As I repeatedly reminisce, I uncontrollably shake and quiver.
And on that day, as our hearts beat quicker in time; will you be mine,

My Valentine.

© Ben Johnson 2010.